#417 – Fire Hose

What? I don’t see what the problem is here. Oh, you meant to ask for a Water Hose.

“The Fire Hose sees a situation it needs to rectify! You are doused in flames. The Not-Fire has been put out.”

#416 – Seedy

This is what you get for walking around on the ungerminated side of town.

“The Seedy blows smoke in your face! It’s actually pollen; you sneeze uncontrollably.”

#415 – Phlegmatic

Its original purpose has been forgotten. All it does now is sit in aged datacenters and give people colds.

“The Phlegmatic coughs on you! You contract a computer virus.”

#414 – Punt Cake


“The Punt Cake kicks package of birthday candles at you. They aren’t lit, but the corner of the box does you in the eye.”

#413 – Grating

I’d say he shouldn’t quit his day job, but he was just about as good at grating cheese.

“The Grating sings a song of happiness and friendship!… but, given his level of talent, you only think of misery and tooth decay.”

#412 – SadistIck

100% Guaranteed horribly infected wounds!

“The SadistIck sets your armor on fire… and then forces you to equip it.”

#411 – Crab Apple

Named for his disposition, not any actual crustacean characteristics.

“The Crab Apple pelts you with rocks and yells obscenities! You are moderately damaged… and so are your feelings.”

#410 – ObliGator

He has to fight you… but he doesn’t have to like it!

“The ObliGator half-heartedly attacks! You are half-heartedly damaged.”

#409 – Grueling

You need to have a lot of grit for this job.

“The Grueling sucked the nutrients out of the air, although you don’t feel hungry, at least…”

#408 – Birdseed

First, germinate. Then, migrate.

“The Birdseed uses a pollenated peck attack! Your eyes get all watery and you can’t see…”