#354 – CombusTable

What would you even put on this.

“The CombusTable wants to play 52-card pickup! You’ve had enough of these fire guys, so you bust out the hose…”

#353 – Larva Lamp

It’s not that he’s afraid of the dark. He just can’t reach up and turn it off.

“The Larva Lamp wobbles pathetically! You fail to be moved by its plight.”

#352 – Subwoofer

Wet dog smell. All the time.

“The Subwoofer launches a stick torpedo!… and immediately chases after it. The Subwoofer fled. Sort of.”

#351 – Golf Pencil

This wasn’t in the job description!

“The Golf Pencil pokes you with its sharp end! Good thing graphite poisoning doesn’t exist.”

#350 – Pan Ick

Why would you even take this out of the tupperware in the first place, much less put it on the stove?

“The Pan Ick is sweating profusely! It’s also catching fire profusely. You get some on you, and YOU start to catch fire.”

#349 – LitiGator

He’ll vehemently defend his client, and collect exorbitant fees.

“The Litigator shows you the photo of his client! You break out into a cold sweat…”

#348 – Bovine

So… is this vegan?

“The Bovine brings up some cud! It’s…. water and sunlight?”

#347 – Sir Cuss

Sir Cuss traumatizes children while being a terrible influence on them. He’s a true multitasker!

“Sir Cuss played the crass calliope! You become berserk.”

#346 – Corn on the Macabre

These will haunt you all winter if you take more than you can eat at a summer barbeque.

“The Corn on the Macabre casts a spell of 1,000 pops! It sounds complicated, but you’re merely splashed with hot oil.”

#345 – Shopping Cartwheel

Whatever you do, DON’T take it up on its offer to carry your groceries to your car.

“The Shopping Cartwheel tries a somersault! You’re assaulted by summer squash.”