#173 – Lunatic

You’d probably be a little loopy too if it seemed like the entirety of Earth’s oceans was trying to follow you around.

“The Lunatic releases a cloud of crazy dust! …. …. Well, it turns out to just be regular dust, but now you’re coughing and incapacitated!”

#172 – Lip Bomb

When it goes off, your lips will be soft and supple and also exploded.

“The Lip Bomb is counting down! 5 .. 4 … the Lip Bomb slips on some petroleum jelly and loses count! …. 1…”

#171 – Terminal

It’s going to go down at any minute. There is no disaster recovery plan.

“The Terminal exploded! You suffer massive damage! The Terminal’s backup exploded, too! Now you’re extra dead.”

170 – Old School Beet Em Up

Produce that fights by old codes established in the mid 1980s, when men were men and statistics were unintelligible.

“You strike the final blow! BARF! The Old School Beet Em Up explodes into a pile of coins!”

#169 – Dorca

One day, he and his pal Opensource are gonna talk to a girl.

“Dorca tripped and knocked an iceberg at the party! You sustain concussive ice damage!”

#168 – Assault Shaker


“Assault Shaker fires a volley! Ouch! You take immense damage. Assault Shaker took a few bows! YEOWCH! The wounds are WAY worse now!”

#167 – iSlug

Slow to realize that maybe now’s not the time to be poking around on that.

“iSlug pulled out its phone during dinner! Each party member reacts differently…”

#166 – Guardin’ Hose

He liked his job better when it was mostly suppressing crowds.

“Guardin’ Hose hooks up to a pepper spray tank! Disabling rabble-rousers in 3 turns…”

#165 – Lem ‘n’ Lime

The flavor chemist who developed this monstrosity was, as is usually the case with flavor chemists, destroyed by his own hubris.

“Lem attacks with a ferocious fizzy punch! Lime is staring off into space.”

#164 – Waffle Batter

No one thinks about sustaining knee injuries at breakfast. That’s when the Waffle Batter strikes.

“The Waffle Batter took a syrupy swing at you! Miss! But now you’re covered in maple syrup, and your speed drops…”