#129 – Smood

The Smood hangs out by kitchen windowsills, grills, ovens, and anywhere else there’s cooking going on. Its psychic powers are responsible for all those times you said “Hey, let’s bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies for dinner.”

“The Smood lured you in with the smell of fresh baked pie, then slapped you in the face!”

#128 – Werner von Burner

He has a war record, but mostly its for his time as the platoon’s cook making delicious Macaroni and Cheese.

“Werner von Burner unleashes a wave of heat so intense that even your weapons melt! You are now unarmed. Also, your weapons are gone.”

#127 – Fumigator

Greenpeace is a little conflicted about this one.

“The Fumigator splashes you with some of the water it’s been lounging in! Surprise; it’s carbonic acid!”

#126 – Fan Death

It is said that Fan Death kills by taking away your oxygen, or chopping up the particles in the air so there’s nothing to breathe. Turns out, it just scythes you in the face until you’re dead.

“Fan Death used an air slash attack! Nothing seems to happen… until shards of air fall and cause you massive puncture damage.”

#125 – Potted Meat

Excuse me, the term ‘ground-up entrails’ is offensive. The correct term is ‘food product’, thank you very much.

“The Potted Meat stares into your soul… and gives you food poisoning.”

#124 – Case of the Mondays

I find Mondays so… unpleasant.

“The Case of the Mondays unleashed the sorrow of 9,999 wasted weekends! You are brought to your knees, which, incedentally, hurts pretty bad, and you take inconvenient damage.”

#123 – Beaker

Yeah okay but how do you get the liquid out? That’s the real scientific mystery.

“The Beaker is going berserk, and fell off of the lab counter! It explodes into thousands of tiny glass shards! You take immense damage.”

#122 – Soap Stud

What a waste of hand soap.

“Soap Stud is flexing his pecs! The glare blinds you temporarily!”

#121 – Cheese Wiz

Fact: Cheese Wiz has no idea what a wizard actually is.

“The Cheese Wiz cast a curdle spell on you! You’re frozen from the fear of what the hell that does!”

#120 – Fowl Mouth

Known to singlehandedly offend entire municipalities in rural Minnesota on sunny mornings.

“The Fowl Mouth laid a profane egg! The stench is unbearable, but the hatchling with the baseball bat is probably going to be worse…”