#500e – THE END BOSS – FINAL TIER

FINALLY. THE END BOSS.

“The End Boss looks up from his drawing. ‘Oh’, he says. ‘Thanks for reading my stupid pixel art blog!’.

You are suddenly reminded of the fact that, as the side blurb indicates, THE END BOSS is neither evil, nor is he an overlord.”

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#500d – THE END BOSS – FOURTH TIER

The Fourth Tier is not messing around. If you can survive the cannon fire, well, hopefully the sword slashes will miss.

“The Fourth Tier assaults you immediately. You sustain more damage than you ever thought possible.”

#500c – THE END BOSS – THIRD TIER

On the Third Tier, these aloof characters manage to ignore you while also pummeling you with deadly attacks. Also, those tree leaves appear to, in fact, be another Ick.

“The Third Tier pelts you with cannon fire! As you take damage, all you can think is that if you see one more Ick, you’re going to go crazy.”

#500a – THE END BOSS – FIRST TIER

Finally, you can confront THE END BOSS! Oh, no, wait. You have to ascend this living tower of wailing, gnashing weirdos that wants to kill you. Part of the job, I guess.

The First Tier is RETURN OF THE GRUDGE, long-defeated foes reassembled to attempt to take revenge. A pair of Aggressive Space Eyes leers at you from within the chaos. You don’t really recognize them, though.

“The First Tier assaults you with everything it has. You die a lot, and have to start over way more often than you expected to need to.”

#499 – Groaner

The other source of all the monsters you’ve seen so far, this creature floats around making a low, condescending sound that makes you reflect upon all the stupid things you’ve seen that day.

“The Groaner lets out a wail. When a sea mammal falls out of the sky, you roll your eyes so hard that you fall over.”

#498 – Eye Roller

It may not look like much, but this is one of the two originators of every foe you’ve faced up to this point. Also, getting hit with that rolling pin is really gross.

“The Eye Roller hits you with its rolling pin! It’s really gross.”

#497 – Gigant Ick

As you enter the inner sanctum of THE END BOSS’S CASTLE, you notice a foul odor. It’s one you’ve smelled before. Actually, you’ve encountered this particular stench a frustrating amount of times. Before you can once again ponder the deep, existential notion of a universal creator that seems to be simply running out of ideas, you enter the humid, choking cloud surrounding the master of all sludge piles, the Gigant Ick.

‘

From this steaming pile, all Icks are born. It’s a blight on everything that exists. You’re glad to be the one to rid the world of it.

“The Gigant Ick wobbles incomprehensibly. You become confused. The Gigant Ick belches, and a torrent of acid washes over the party. The party involuntarily releases its own torrent of acid shortly after.”

#492 – Vicious Double Standard

As you proceed deeper into THE END BOSS’S CASTLE, you wonder if a boss battle is coming up.

Based on the giant monstrosity currently bearing down on you, it’s probably a safe assumption that the answer to your question is “yes”.

The Vicious Double Standard is a curious two-headed dragon. Both heads have equal strength and potential, but the blue head always tries to keep the pink head subdued with a Level 20 Spell of Glass Sealing.

“The Vicious Double Standard’s blue head complains about how no one thinks about ITS rights… you fail to be moved by its speech.”

#490 – Final Foyer

You come to a CASTLE. Your quest has been leading up to this castle. This castle belongs to none other than THE END BOSS.

You try to enter, but predictably, like every other stupid inanimate object you’ve encountered, this one is alive. Can you cross the FINAL FOYER?

You don’t want to know what this means the windows are.

“The Final Foyer rolls out the red carpet! Unfortunately, the red carpet is its prehensile tongue, which it mercilessly pummels you with.”

#489 – Sir Endipidy

Do you even know how many pennies this guy finds on the ground each day? Let’s just say that his mansion didn’t pay for itself.

“Ser Endipidy lands a critical hit!… and another!… and another!… and another!”