#499 – Groaner
posted by THE END BOSS on December 30, 2011
The other source of all the monsters you’ve seen so far, this creature floats around making a low, condescending sound that makes you reflect upon all the stupid things you’ve seen that day.
“The Groaner lets out a wail. When a sea mammal falls out of the sky, you roll your eyes so hard that you fall over.”
#498 – Eye Roller
posted by THE END BOSS on December 29, 2011
It may not look like much, but this is one of the two originators of every foe you’ve faced up to this point. Also, getting hit with that rolling pin is really gross.
“The Eye Roller hits you with its rolling pin! It’s really gross.”
#497 – Gigant Ick
posted by THE END BOSS on December 28, 2011
As you enter the inner sanctum of THE END BOSS’S CASTLE, you notice a foul odor. It’s one you’ve smelled before. Actually, you’ve encountered this particular stench a frustrating amount of times. Before you can once again ponder the deep, existential notion of a universal creator that seems to be simply running out of ideas, you enter the humid, choking cloud surrounding the master of all sludge piles, the Gigant Ick.
From this steaming pile, all Icks are born. It’s a blight on everything that exists. You’re glad to be the one to rid the world of it.
“The Gigant Ick wobbles incomprehensibly. You become confused. The Gigant Ick belches, and a torrent of acid washes over the party. The party involuntarily releases its own torrent of acid shortly after.”
#496 – Tie Die
posted by THE END BOSS on December 27, 2011
He’s trying out a new fashion. Do you like it? It doesn’t really matter, your time is up.
“The Tie Die’s bow tie spins ominously! You feel an impending sense of dread…”
#495 – Hamfisted
posted by THE END BOSS on December 26, 2011
Really packs a wallop, let me tell you.
“The Hamfisted punches you so hard, it knocks you back to Thanksgiving dinner!”
#494 – Sir Berus
posted by THE END BOSS on December 23, 2011
You figure another boss is coming up, and wonder if it is going to be IMPORTANT.
The leader of all Sirs, Sir Berus’s greatest strength is his ability to reach a compromise between all three heads every time a decision has to be made.
“Sir Berus casts a triple speed spell! Sir Berus casts a triple strength spell! Sir Berus casts a triple defense spell! You sense a pattern.”
#493 – Hoodwink
posted by THE END BOSS on December 22, 2011
“Stop looking at me” is not a phrase it recognizes.
“The Hoodwink casts Glare of 1,000 Cockatrices! All stones into your inventory turn into lumps of flesh. You are extremely grossed out.”
#492 – Vicious Double Standard
posted by THE END BOSS on December 21, 2011
As you proceed deeper into THE END BOSS’S CASTLE, you wonder if a boss battle is coming up.
Based on the giant monstrosity currently bearing down on you, it’s probably a safe assumption that the answer to your question is “yes”.
The Vicious Double Standard is a curious two-headed dragon. Both heads have equal strength and potential, but the blue head always tries to keep the pink head subdued with a Level 20 Spell of Glass Sealing.
“The Vicious Double Standard’s blue head complains about how no one thinks about ITS rights… you fail to be moved by its speech.”
#491 – Happy Medium
posted by THE END BOSS on December 20, 2011
It sees happiness in its future because it never actually looks into its crystal ball.
“The Happy Medium predicts an attack coming! Predictably, you attack it.”
#490 – Final Foyer
posted by THE END BOSS on December 19, 2011
You come to a CASTLE. Your quest has been leading up to this castle. This castle belongs to none other than THE END BOSS.
You try to enter, but predictably, like every other stupid inanimate object you’ve encountered, this one is alive. Can you cross the FINAL FOYER?
You don’t want to know what this means the windows are.
“The Final Foyer rolls out the red carpet! Unfortunately, the red carpet is its prehensile tongue, which it mercilessly pummels you with.”