#173 – Lunatic
posted by THE END BOSS on August 31, 2010
You’d probably be a little loopy too if it seemed like the entirety of Earth’s oceans was trying to follow you around.
“The Lunatic releases a cloud of crazy dust! …. …. Well, it turns out to just be regular dust, but now you’re coughing and incapacitated!”
#172 – Lip Bomb
posted by THE END BOSS on August 30, 2010
When it goes off, your lips will be soft and supple and also exploded.
“The Lip Bomb is counting down! 5 .. 4 … the Lip Bomb slips on some petroleum jelly and loses count! …. 1…”
#171 – Terminal
posted by THE END BOSS on August 27, 2010
It’s going to go down at any minute. There is no disaster recovery plan.
“The Terminal exploded! You suffer massive damage! The Terminal’s backup exploded, too! Now you’re extra dead.”
170 – Old School Beet Em Up
posted by THE END BOSS on August 26, 2010
Produce that fights by old codes established in the mid 1980s, when men were men and statistics were unintelligible.
“You strike the final blow! BARF! The Old School Beet Em Up explodes into a pile of coins!”
#169 – Dorca
posted by THE END BOSS on August 25, 2010
One day, he and his pal Opensource are gonna talk to a girl.
“Dorca tripped and knocked an iceberg at the party! You sustain concussive ice damage!”
#168 – Assault Shaker
posted by THE END BOSS on August 24, 2010
THE ONLY THING HE THROWS OVER HIS SHOULDER IS SPENT AMMO CASES … SIR!
“Assault Shaker fires a volley! Ouch! You take immense damage. Assault Shaker took a few bows! YEOWCH! The wounds are WAY worse now!”
#167 – iSlug
posted by THE END BOSS on August 23, 2010
Slow to realize that maybe now’s not the time to be poking around on that.
“iSlug pulled out its phone during dinner! Each party member reacts differently…”
#166 – Guardin’ Hose
posted by THE END BOSS on August 20, 2010
He liked his job better when it was mostly suppressing crowds.
“Guardin’ Hose hooks up to a pepper spray tank! Disabling rabble-rousers in 3 turns…”
#165 – Lem ‘n’ Lime
posted by THE END BOSS on August 19, 2010
The flavor chemist who developed this monstrosity was, as is usually the case with flavor chemists, destroyed by his own hubris.
“Lem attacks with a ferocious fizzy punch! Lime is staring off into space.”
#164 – Waffle Batter
posted by THE END BOSS on August 18, 2010
No one thinks about sustaining knee injuries at breakfast. That’s when the Waffle Batter strikes.
“The Waffle Batter took a syrupy swing at you! Miss! But now you’re covered in maple syrup, and your speed drops…”