#168 – Assault Shaker

THE ONLY THING HE THROWS OVER HIS SHOULDER IS SPENT AMMO CASES … SIR!

“Assault Shaker fires a volley! Ouch! You take immense damage. Assault Shaker took a few bows! YEOWCH! The wounds are WAY worse now!”

#165 – Lem ‘n’ Lime

The flavor chemist who developed this monstrosity was, as is usually the case with flavor chemists, destroyed by his own hubris.

“Lem attacks with a ferocious fizzy punch! Lime is staring off into space.”

#154, #155, #156 – Da Baiter, Ad Hominid, and Straw Man

Da Baiter just wants to engage you in-a da bait. It’s assisted by Ad Hominid, the offensive (in more ways than one) player in this fight. Their defensive player, Straw Man, infuriatingly protects its cohorts.

“Da Baiter made a good point! You suffer puncture damage.”

“Ad Hominid made an unfavorable, broad generalization about your character as a human being! You’re enraged! Your attack rises!… but you become confused.”

“Straw Man stood in the way of your attack! You feel like you’re about to give up.”

#150 – Scorpion and Son

Mobile Attack Pod Senior is clearly tired of this.

“Scorpion and Son attacked with a Father-Son Desert Combo Electro-Pulse! You start to lose  body moisture at an alarming rate.”

#143 – Earthwyrm

In medieval Europe, rainstorms meant that Earthwyrms would emerge from deep underground and proceed to eat livestock, kidnap princess, and horde treasure. Afterwards, they’d either return to their burrows, or leave icky, water-logged corpses. The ones you see underfoot today are the descendants of those tyrants of the topsoil.

“The Earthwyrm attacks, but misses! You slash at the Earthwyrm, and it’s cut in two! …. Earthwyrm B has joined the battle!”

#128 – Werner von Burner

He has a war record, but mostly its for his time as the platoon’s cook making delicious Macaroni and Cheese.

“Werner von Burner unleashes a wave of heat so intense that even your weapons melt! You are now unarmed. Also, your weapons are gone.”

#126 – Fan Death

It is said that Fan Death kills by taking away your oxygen, or chopping up the particles in the air so there’s nothing to breathe. Turns out, it just scythes you in the face until you’re dead.

“Fan Death used an air slash attack! Nothing seems to happen… until shards of air fall and cause you massive puncture damage.”

#100 – GRUDGE

The combined malice of 99 defeated foes.

“GRUDGE used a century of pain attack! You withstand 99 devastating hits… barely.”

The 100th monster! Tomorrow: the first of many many more. Thanks for reading!

#90 – King Blizard

No one ever stops to think about how a reptile can survive in sub-zero temperatures, much less derive power from them, and King Blizard is okay with that.

“King Blizard blasted icy breath straight into the air! Ambient water vapor freezes instantly! Icy destruction rains from the heavens!”

#70 – Recovery of Space Scorpion

Turns out, those cyborg parts were clip-ons. What a gyp.

“Recovery of Space Scorpion fled.”